There is something about a cemetery that makes the world slow down. My wife (Janet) and I have spent many hours walking through cemeteries all around Palm Beach County and beyond. Sometimes we are looking for one particular grave, sometimes we are cleaning a headstone for someone who asked for our help, and sometimes we are simply exploring a place we have never been before. What started as something we did now and then has become one of the most meaningful things we do together.
People often reach out to us because someone they love is buried here and they are not able to visit. Many of them live hundreds or even thousands of miles away. Some are getting older and can no longer travel, and some have never stood at the grave at all. When we can, we find the grave, carefully clean the headstone, and take photographs so the family can see that their loved one’s resting place has not been forgotten and always include the GPS coordinates so they can search the location on Google Maps or other maps. It may seem like a small thing, but I have learned that to the person waiting on the other end, that photograph can mean the world.
We also spend a good deal of time finding and photographing graves for Find a Grave and BillionGraves. These websites let people all over the world search for parents, grandparents, veterans, old friends and ancestors they never had the chance to meet. Sometimes a photograph we take is the very first time a descendant ever sees the resting place of someone they have spent years trying to find. Knowing that a few minutes of our time might help finish a family’s story makes every trip worth it to us. For us its an honor. Many people do not understand why we do this and thats ok, we do it because it makes us happy, and we do it together as a couple.
Hidden Beneath the Grass
Some of the graves we visit are flat bronze markers set right into the ground, and over the years they slowly vanish. Grass clippings from the mowers settle over them each time the cemetery is cut. Blowing sand and dirt pile up on top, and little by little the grass grows right across them, until one day there is nothing left to see. You could walk right over one and never know a person was resting there.
That is exactly how we found Sgt. James S. Fogleman. At his grave there was nothing but a patch of grass, the same as all the grass around it. So we got down on our knees and started gently cutting back the sod and brushing away the dirt, a little at a time.
Slowly his name began to show through. Then the dates appeared. August 10, 1935, and March 25, 1963. He was only twenty seven years old. When the last of the dirt was gone and the bronze was cleaned, a small American flag was placed beside him. For the first time in a very long while, anyone walking by could see who was resting there. I will not pretend that moment did not get to me. A young man who served his country had been lying beneath the grass, forgotten by everyone who passed, and now his name could be read again.
The Morris marker was another one the grass had nearly swallowed. All that showed was a faint outline in the dirt, and it took patience and a lot of careful work to bring it back. When we finished, the bronze shined in the sun again, and the family’s name was clear for everyone to see.
Why South Florida Is Different
People are often surprised to learn that you cannot clean a headstone in South Florida the same way you would up north, because doing so could ruin it. Our strong sun and salty air take a real toll on stone and bronze. Over the years I have worked out a careful way of cleaning every type of headstone that suits our environment here. I start with soft brushes to remove the bulk of the dirt and debris. Then I clean with plain distilled water first, and a little Dawn dishwashing liquid after that. I use several different solutions along the way, and I let the headstone dry completely between each cleaning. On stone headstones I finish with D2 Biological Solution, a cemetery approved cleaner. On bronze markers I finish with a special cemetery approved bronze restoration oil that brings back their color and helps protect them from the weather. From start to finish, I usually spend two to three hours on each headstone before I feel it is done right.
None of this would happen without Janet. She has been my navigator for 52 years now, including every time we go looking for these headstones. She is right there with me on every trip, helping in more ways than I can count. Just as important is her moral support, which keeps me going on the long days in the sun. This work is truly something we share.
Every Name Is a Life
Our travels have taken us through cemeteries large and small all over the county, and every one of them has its own personality. Some are beautifully landscaped, with towering palms, old shade trees, flowers and fountains. Others are simple and quiet, with weathered stones that have stood beneath the Florida sun and rain for generations. Some sit right beside busy roads, yet the moment you walk through the gates the noise seems to fade away.
We have found that cemeteries are not frightening or gloomy places at all. Most of them are incredibly peaceful. Birds move through the trees, squirrels dart across the grass, and sunlight filters through the branches onto names and dates that tell pieces of stories from another time. When you start reading the headstones, you realize that every name stands for a life. Someone was a mother, a father, a husband, a wife, a child, a soldier, a teacher, a neighbor or a friend. Someone once laughed with them, worried about them, held them, and one day had to say goodbye.
That is why we do this. Cleaning a headstone or taking a photograph cannot bring anyone back, but it can help keep their memory alive. It can bring a family a little closer to its history, and it reminds us that no one should disappear just because many years have passed.
If you have a loved one resting in a Palm Beach County cemetery and you are not able to visit, please feel free to reach out to me. If I can, I will be glad to find the grave, clean the headstone and send you a photograph.
My wife and I have traveled many roads through Palm Beach County and beyond, searching for cemeteries and the people resting within them. Along the way we have found beautiful places, remarkable history, and a peace that is hard to describe until you feel it yourself. For us, every visit is a reminder of something simple. Every life leaves a story behind, and every story deserves to be remembered.
At the end of every day in a cemetery, no matter how tired I am, I always make time to sit with an angel. There is usually one somewhere nearby, carved in stone and keeping her quiet watch over the people resting around her. I sit down beside her for a while and let the day settle. Neither of us is ever in a hurry. I always listen to the story she has to tell me, and she always listens to mine. Together we enjoy the peace and quiet of each other’s company. We listen to the sound of the palm fronds moving in the wind, in the presence of so many who have been lost and forgotten, knowing that one day one of them will be me.
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